The former cast member loves to see himself on ‘SNL,’ so it was no surprise that he nominated a sketch of his own for the prestigious post-monologue slot.
With the seasonal aisles ready to shift from Valentine’s Day to Easter at a moment’s notice, candy for the latter holiday is already slipping through the cracks. I’ve picked up a few things for a future Easter candy roundup already, but there was one find that stopped me in my tracks.
KFC Colonel’s Favorite Jellybeans.
Don’t do it, Bill, you’re possibly saying. Didn’t you learn your lesson from those Oreos that tasted like turkey?
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The cost
They’re sold out now, but a three-pack of 4 oz. bags of KFC Colonel’s Favorite Jellybeans were $10on Frankford’s website.
The pics
The thoughts
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. Oh no.
Why did I do this to myself again?
Oh no. Noooooooooooo ...
I should have learned my lesson from the Oreo Thanksgiving Dinner Cookie Tin. Cookies and candy should never taste like meat. They should never try to emulate the essence of turkey or chicken.
The KFC Colonel’s Favorite Jellybeans are a nightmare. An instant horror inflicted on my tastebuds. Why did I do this to myself? I knew I shouldn’t do this to myself ...
This horrific trio of jellybeans comes in three flavors: Fried Chicken, Gravy and Sweet Corn.
As expected, Fried Chicken was disgusting. To be honest, I’m not opposed to foods that aren’t chicken tasting like chicken. I really enjoyed the Pringles that tasted like a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich. But those were chips. (Or, legally, crisps.) Chips are a base that can carry that kind of flavor. Jellybeans are not.
Gravy wasn’t much better, but at least it wasn’t meat flavored.
And the nicest thing I can say about Sweet Corn is that it was the least disgusting of the three flavors.
Can I give something a zero as its Snack Score? Oh no, they’re stuck in my teeth ...
Snack Score
Colonel's Favorite Jellybeans
🍪
(1 out of 5)
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Snackology is a publication of The Omnicosm.
Issue No. 149
Snackology is written and produced by Bill Kuchman. Copyediting by Tim Kuchman.
The Omnicosm founder. Snackology, Popculturology and The Cold Open writer. A Rochester, N.Y., native now living in the Washington, D.C., area. Won’t pass up a Genny Cream Ale.
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